What Parents Can Learn from Graeme Hall

Have you ever seen the show, ‘Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly’ on television? If you are under the age of 40 then you probably don’t watch TV but maybe you’ve heard of the show. The star is Graeme Hall, also known as the Dogfather. He is from Yorkshire and a dapper dresser famous for his three-piece suits and smart cravats – even in the Queensland heat!

Graeme visits homes where dogs are behaving (very) badly and creates transformations that seem nothing short of miraculous! Graeme has a winning formula of watching the (very) bad behaviour, seeing the interaction between dog and owner and then identifying why the behaviour exists. I think the attraction of this show is that it is like watching miraculous mini-makeovers

One thing I noticed was the different commands Graeme used when training the dogs. Instead of just saying ‘no’ or ‘good boy/girl’ Until this show, I used to just use “good boy” or “bad boy” with my dog and the occasional, “sit”. However, Graeme uses a wide vocabulary which the dogs seem to have no trouble understanding and obeying. 

Graeme uses specific commands like, “stay at home” when the dog owner was going out or “behave” when the dog was trying to bite another dog. Dogs can learn 165 words and those in the top 20 percent of dog intelligence can learn 250 words.

When the dogs behave, Graeme will include the specific behaviour in the praise. For example, when the dog is told to behave and does so, Graeme will say, “good behaving” rather than “good boy/girl”.

Graeme’s use of specific words made me think of all the times we respond to our child’s behaviour by saying “good girl” or “good boy” instead of using specific words. Even an eight-year-old child has a vocabulary of at least 2000 words so why do we keep it so simple and, should we keep it so simple?

An article in The Educator by Jonalyn Cueto on 3 October 2024 called, “Praise done right: Moving beyond “good boy” or “good girl” addresses this very topic. 

As parents and even educators, we fall into the habit of saying, “good boy” or “good girl” when our children or students do something right, however, the articles suggest that this is not only a missed opportunity but may not be as encouraging to our children as it seems to us. 

The social turn in using praise began in the 1950s to promote and reinforce good behaviour and by the 1970s praise was used to build children’s self-esteem. However, this generation of children’s self-esteem seems to be at an all-time low, so what went wrong? I think we as parents and educators fall into three traps.

Trap #1 Being Lazy with Our Words

Praising a child with generic phrases like “good boy” or “good girl” is a quick and easy habit we often fall into but it’s a lazy approach that doesn’t provide meaningful feedback. These types of comments fail to recognise the specific actions or efforts that led to the praise, leaving children unclear about what they did well. 

This lack of detail doesn’t encourage learning or growth, as children don’t know which behaviours to repeat. Specific praise, such as “I’m proud of how you shared your toys with your friends today” or “You did a great job focusing on your homework,” takes more thought but offers much clearer guidance. It helps children understand the value of their actions, encourages them to continue positive behaviours, and promotes a deeper sense of accomplishment. Generic praise, on the other hand, can feel empty and fail to build the confidence or skills needed for long-term development.

Trap #2: Praising the Person Rather Than the Behaviour

It’s common for parents and educators to fall into the habit of praising the person rather than focusing on specific behaviours. We often say things like, “You’re so smart” or “You’re a natural leader.” While these compliments may seem positive, they can unintentionally create pressure and foster a fixed mindset in children. 

Praising a child’s innate qualities, such as intelligence or talent, can lead them to believe their abilities are static and unchangeable. As a result, children may avoid challenges or stop putting in effort when things become difficult, fearing they’ll lose their label of being “smart” or “talented.” By focusing on the person rather than their behaviour, we fail to encourage growth, resilience, and a love for learning.

Trap #3: Praising the Unchangeable Rather Than the Changeable

In contrast, when we praise specific behaviours or efforts, we help children develop a growth mindset. For example, saying, “You worked really hard on that project” or “I’m impressed with how you kept trying, even when it was tough” reinforces the idea that success comes from effort, perseverance, and intentional actions. 

This kind of feedback highlights that improvement is always possible and that abilities can grow with practice. By focusing on changeable behaviours, we send the message that it’s their choices and hard work that matter most, encouraging children to embrace challenges and see them as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to avoid.

Praising with Purpose

Next time you’re tempted to say “good boy,” “good girl,” or “you’re clever” to your child, think of the Dogfather and the lessons we can learn from him. Be intentional with your words—focus on praising the behaviour, not just the person. Make sure to highlight the actions they can control and improve, rather than innate traits. This approach helps build a growth mindset and encourages lasting development.

Mike Curtis, Principal